I'm Getting Stronger...

Another inspirational song for you… [video will be posted next]

I *love* this song...

To appreciate this, you need to know...
Last year, I came close to killing myself – seriously – several times.
Last year, I used to cause physical harm to myself *almost* every day.
Last year, I had no hope. I didn’t want to live.
Last year, I starved myself so badly that I ended up in a hospital.
Last year, I didn’t think I’d make it to this year…

My wonderful, wonderful therapist kept believing in me. She stayed with me through every *(*&ing moment. She told me over and over that it may be terrible now, but to trust her – it would get better. I did not believe her.

Well...
This year, I almost never think of suicide. When I do, it’s a fleeting thought.
I’d never do it now.

I eat right now. I may want to starve myself sometimes, but I don’t.

I rarely hurt myself.

I have hope. I do want to live.

And I expect to make it to next year, and the next year.

I know I’m hurting, and I don’t expect the pain to go away tomorrow. But it *is* getting better. I’m getting stronger.

Stronger

I'll make it through the rainy days
I'll be the one who stands here longer than the rest
When my landscape changes, rearranges
I'll be stronger than I've ever been
No more stillness,more sunlight,
Everything's gonna be allright

I know that there's gonna be a change
Better find your way out of your fear
If you wanna come with me
Then that's the way it's gotta be
I'm all alone and finally
I'm getting stronger
You'll come to see just what I can be
I'm getting stronger

Sometimes I feel so down and out
Like emotion that's been captured in a maze
I had my ups and downs
Trials and tribulations,
I overcome it day by day,
Feeling good and almost powerful
A new me, that's what I'm looking for

Bridge
Chorus

I didn't know what I had to do
I just knew I was alone
People around me
But they didn't care
So i searched into my soul
I'm not that type of girl that will let them see her cry
It's not my style
I'll get by
See I'm gonna do this for me


[Thank you Chris and Rachel!! You guys are the BEST! :-) And yes, doing this with kids isn't easy... but I'm chuggin' along for now.]

Support is important...

Dear readers,

Sorry for those lame quick-posts, but I was talking to my sister on the phone. Had to tell her about my terrible doc apt, and being that she's a doctor, well, it's very gratifying when she says, "What a jerk!" So much better...

Which brings me to the topic of... support! Having support is very important for survivors, whether that comes from family, friends, or a group.

I have found wonderful support online from a web site called Pandora's Aquarium
http://pandys.org/

Panys is a great support website for survivors. I've tried quite a few, and none beat pandys. There are message boards and chat rooms, and people are usually so kind and helpful. The moderators are great, too.

If you're feeling alone, needing someone to listen who will understand, and don't have a friend or family member to share with -- or it's something you just don't want to share with people that you know -- Pandys may be the place for you.

Much love,

Anna

The All-American Rejects - Move Along

I think it's time for some music. What do you all think?

This is for all you Blogathon A-schedule that have a few hours left... and to us B schedule, who have SO MANY HOURS left. :-)

Also, to all you survivors, when you feel like you just can't do it anymore. Put this song on, close (or open!) the windows, and dance yourself awake and onto a bit more hope.

I posted these lyrics earlier. Enjoy the song!

"Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Move along

So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your
Hands are shaking cold
Your hands are mine to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along"