I'm Getting Stronger...

Another inspirational song for you… [video will be posted next]

I *love* this song...

To appreciate this, you need to know...
Last year, I came close to killing myself – seriously – several times.
Last year, I used to cause physical harm to myself *almost* every day.
Last year, I had no hope. I didn’t want to live.
Last year, I starved myself so badly that I ended up in a hospital.
Last year, I didn’t think I’d make it to this year…

My wonderful, wonderful therapist kept believing in me. She stayed with me through every *(*&ing moment. She told me over and over that it may be terrible now, but to trust her – it would get better. I did not believe her.

Well...
This year, I almost never think of suicide. When I do, it’s a fleeting thought.
I’d never do it now.

I eat right now. I may want to starve myself sometimes, but I don’t.

I rarely hurt myself.

I have hope. I do want to live.

And I expect to make it to next year, and the next year.

I know I’m hurting, and I don’t expect the pain to go away tomorrow. But it *is* getting better. I’m getting stronger.

Stronger

I'll make it through the rainy days
I'll be the one who stands here longer than the rest
When my landscape changes, rearranges
I'll be stronger than I've ever been
No more stillness,more sunlight,
Everything's gonna be allright

I know that there's gonna be a change
Better find your way out of your fear
If you wanna come with me
Then that's the way it's gotta be
I'm all alone and finally
I'm getting stronger
You'll come to see just what I can be
I'm getting stronger

Sometimes I feel so down and out
Like emotion that's been captured in a maze
I had my ups and downs
Trials and tribulations,
I overcome it day by day,
Feeling good and almost powerful
A new me, that's what I'm looking for

Bridge
Chorus

I didn't know what I had to do
I just knew I was alone
People around me
But they didn't care
So i searched into my soul
I'm not that type of girl that will let them see her cry
It's not my style
I'll get by
See I'm gonna do this for me


[Thank you Chris and Rachel!! You guys are the BEST! :-) And yes, doing this with kids isn't easy... but I'm chuggin' along for now.]

Concrete Angel Lyrics

She walks to school with the lunch she packed
Nobody knows what she's holdin' back
Wearin' the same dress she wore yesterday
She hides the bruises with linen and lace

The teacher wonders but she doesn't ask
It's hard to see the pain behind the mask
Bearing the burden of a secret storm
Sometimes she wishes she was never born

Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel

Somebody cries in the middle of the night
The neighbors hear, but they turn out the lights
A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate
When morning comes it'll be too late

[Repeat Chorus]

A statue stands in a shaded place
An angel girl with an upturned face
A name is written on a polished rock
A broken heart that the world forgot

[Repeat Chorus]

Tori Amos, Precious Things

Music, as I think I've said before, has been a huge part of my healing. I've got lists of songs that I find healing, or songs I relate to, as a survivor of abuse.

Here is one song to share with you from a huge advocate of support for rape and sexual abuse victims, Tori Amos.

Audio Codes by AcousticSpot.com

"Precious Things"

So I ran faster
But you caught me here
Yes my loyalties turned
Like my ankle
In the seventh grade
Running after Billy
Running after the rain
These precious things
Let them bleed
Let them wash away
These precious things let them break
Their hold over me

He said you're really an ugly girl
But I like the way you play
And I died
But I thanked him
Can you believe that
Sick, sick, holding on to his picture
Dressing up every day
I wanna smash the faces of those beautiful boys
Those Christian boys
So you can made me cum
That doesn't make you Jesus
I remember
Yes in my peach party dress
No one dared
No one cared
To tell me where the pretty girls are
Those demigods
With their nine-inch nails
And little fascist panties
Tucked inside the heart
Of ever nice girl
These precious things
Let them bleed
Let them wash away
These precious things
Let them break
Let them wash away