There are many books out there on sexual abuse, and healing from it. I don't really like the books that talk about it too much, I don't know. I want books that really say something, explain to me why I feel the way I do, and don't just say, "It'll get better."
I have had trouble finding a book I liked, until just a few months ago. This book is actually not just on sexual abuse – it’s on surviving trauma. But it fits in with sexual abuse, and she talks about it quite a bit.
She helped me understand why I feel the way I do, why I can’t sleep, why I can’t stop thinking about it when I want to stop, and more. She also talks about how to use imagery to heal, and this is something that has been a huge help to me. Actually, my therapist recommended this book because of the imagery scripts.
If you could buy only ONE book on healing, this is the book I'd tell you to buy. (And I own over 1300 books... yes, really. I, um, like to read.)
Check it out on Amazon.com:
Invisible Heroes: Survivors of Trauma and How They Heal
http://www.amazon.com/Invisible-Heroes-Survivors-Trauma-They/dp/0553803506
Showing posts with label aftermath. Show all posts
Showing posts with label aftermath. Show all posts
Sunday, July 29, 2007
I'm Getting Stronger...
Another inspirational song for you… [video will be posted next]
I *love* this song...
To appreciate this, you need to know...
Last year, I came close to killing myself – seriously – several times.
Last year, I used to cause physical harm to myself *almost* every day.
Last year, I had no hope. I didn’t want to live.
Last year, I starved myself so badly that I ended up in a hospital.
Last year, I didn’t think I’d make it to this year…
My wonderful, wonderful therapist kept believing in me. She stayed with me through every *(*&ing moment. She told me over and over that it may be terrible now, but to trust her – it would get better. I did not believe her.
Well...
This year, I almost never think of suicide. When I do, it’s a fleeting thought.
I’d never do it now.
I eat right now. I may want to starve myself sometimes, but I don’t.
I rarely hurt myself.
I have hope. I do want to live.
And I expect to make it to next year, and the next year.
I know I’m hurting, and I don’t expect the pain to go away tomorrow. But it *is* getting better. I’m getting stronger.
Stronger
I'll make it through the rainy days
I'll be the one who stands here longer than the rest
When my landscape changes, rearranges
I'll be stronger than I've ever been
No more stillness,more sunlight,
Everything's gonna be allright
I know that there's gonna be a change
Better find your way out of your fear
If you wanna come with me
Then that's the way it's gotta be
I'm all alone and finally
I'm getting stronger
You'll come to see just what I can be
I'm getting stronger
Sometimes I feel so down and out
Like emotion that's been captured in a maze
I had my ups and downs
Trials and tribulations,
I overcome it day by day,
Feeling good and almost powerful
A new me, that's what I'm looking for
Bridge
Chorus
I didn't know what I had to do
I just knew I was alone
People around me
But they didn't care
So i searched into my soul
I'm not that type of girl that will let them see her cry
It's not my style
I'll get by
See I'm gonna do this for me
[Thank you Chris and Rachel!! You guys are the BEST! :-) And yes, doing this with kids isn't easy... but I'm chuggin' along for now.]
I *love* this song...
To appreciate this, you need to know...
Last year, I came close to killing myself – seriously – several times.
Last year, I used to cause physical harm to myself *almost* every day.
Last year, I had no hope. I didn’t want to live.
Last year, I starved myself so badly that I ended up in a hospital.
Last year, I didn’t think I’d make it to this year…
My wonderful, wonderful therapist kept believing in me. She stayed with me through every *(*&ing moment. She told me over and over that it may be terrible now, but to trust her – it would get better. I did not believe her.
Well...
This year, I almost never think of suicide. When I do, it’s a fleeting thought.
I’d never do it now.
I eat right now. I may want to starve myself sometimes, but I don’t.
I rarely hurt myself.
I have hope. I do want to live.
And I expect to make it to next year, and the next year.
I know I’m hurting, and I don’t expect the pain to go away tomorrow. But it *is* getting better. I’m getting stronger.
Stronger
I'll make it through the rainy days
I'll be the one who stands here longer than the rest
When my landscape changes, rearranges
I'll be stronger than I've ever been
No more stillness,more sunlight,
Everything's gonna be allright
I know that there's gonna be a change
Better find your way out of your fear
If you wanna come with me
Then that's the way it's gotta be
I'm all alone and finally
I'm getting stronger
You'll come to see just what I can be
I'm getting stronger
Sometimes I feel so down and out
Like emotion that's been captured in a maze
I had my ups and downs
Trials and tribulations,
I overcome it day by day,
Feeling good and almost powerful
A new me, that's what I'm looking for
Bridge
Chorus
I didn't know what I had to do
I just knew I was alone
People around me
But they didn't care
So i searched into my soul
I'm not that type of girl that will let them see her cry
It's not my style
I'll get by
See I'm gonna do this for me
[Thank you Chris and Rachel!! You guys are the BEST! :-) And yes, doing this with kids isn't easy... but I'm chuggin' along for now.]
In Crisis? Need help? Maybe a hotline can help you...
Are you in crisis? Don’t have a therapist to call, or can’t reach him or her, and feeling alone and desperate? Afraid you might do something you will regret later?
There are MANY hotlines that you can call. I have to tell you, though – don’t expect miracles. I have tried some of these hotlines, and at best, they made me think before acting. Sometimes the person on the line isn’t oh-so educated on the right things to say. In fact, they may say all the wrong things.
But the key is while you are talking to them, you are staying alive and safe for just another minute, another hour. And sometimes that’s all you need – someone to help you make it to the next hour.
So, if you have a therapist – try to find them first. If you can’t find them, the hotlines will get you through until you can read your therapist.
And if you don’t have a therapist, please, please, please try to find someone to talk to. You do NOT have to heal from abuse alone. It’s too hard that way. I tried it for years, it doesn’t work. Healing is hard enough to do with someone. If you can’t afford a therapist, sometimes local support groups and resources for survivors of sexual abuse, where they can get free therapy or therapy at a very discounted rate. Call RAINN’s hotline for help finding local options.
Here are some support lines to call in times of crisis:
1-800-SUICIDE
1-800 273-TALK
1-800-DONT-CUT (Self-harm hotline)
1-800-656-HOPE (RAINN’s hotline – they can help you find local rape or sexual abuse counseling options)
And a website that talks about suicide, and crisis lines, what to expect when you call, and so on.
http://suicide.com/suicidecrisiscenter/incrisis.html
[Note that Stop It Now!’s hotline 1-888-PREVENT is not a crisis line, but a confidential hotline for those concerned about a child, concerned about an adult who they think may be at risk for abusing a child sexually, or for those worried about disturbing thoughts regarding hurting a child themselves. You can read more about Stop It Now!’s hotline here: http://www.stopitnow.org/help.html]
There are MANY hotlines that you can call. I have to tell you, though – don’t expect miracles. I have tried some of these hotlines, and at best, they made me think before acting. Sometimes the person on the line isn’t oh-so educated on the right things to say. In fact, they may say all the wrong things.
But the key is while you are talking to them, you are staying alive and safe for just another minute, another hour. And sometimes that’s all you need – someone to help you make it to the next hour.
So, if you have a therapist – try to find them first. If you can’t find them, the hotlines will get you through until you can read your therapist.
And if you don’t have a therapist, please, please, please try to find someone to talk to. You do NOT have to heal from abuse alone. It’s too hard that way. I tried it for years, it doesn’t work. Healing is hard enough to do with someone. If you can’t afford a therapist, sometimes local support groups and resources for survivors of sexual abuse, where they can get free therapy or therapy at a very discounted rate. Call RAINN’s hotline for help finding local options.
Here are some support lines to call in times of crisis:
1-800-SUICIDE
1-800 273-TALK
1-800-DONT-CUT (Self-harm hotline)
1-800-656-HOPE (RAINN’s hotline – they can help you find local rape or sexual abuse counseling options)
And a website that talks about suicide, and crisis lines, what to expect when you call, and so on.
http://suicide.com/suicidecrisiscenter/incrisis.html
[Note that Stop It Now!’s hotline 1-888-PREVENT is not a crisis line, but a confidential hotline for those concerned about a child, concerned about an adult who they think may be at risk for abusing a child sexually, or for those worried about disturbing thoughts regarding hurting a child themselves. You can read more about Stop It Now!’s hotline here: http://www.stopitnow.org/help.html]
Quick recipe here for my comfort cocoa...
hot water
1-3 tsp of cocoa mix (the kind that is for making chocolate milk that already has the sugar -- of course, it's probably healthier without the sugar, but, you know...)
.5 tsp of instant coffee (leave out if drinking at night -- but for the blogathon, I added 1 tsp!)
'bout 1/8-1/4 tsp of cinnamon
Drop or two of vanilla extract
Some milk (I use rice milk, can't have dairy -- dairy is better, though)
And, if you have, a drop or 3 of Rescue Remedy, Bach Flowers...
Mix all that in a nice mug, something big and easy to hold. When it's not too hot, try holding the mug up against your chest, near the center, the "hug" spot -- this is a point which triggers feelings of comfort when pressed, and a warm (not HOT) mug gently held here will help you calm down,
It also might make you cry.... but it will be good crying. Healthy crying...
(More comfort coming up next)
hot water
1-3 tsp of cocoa mix (the kind that is for making chocolate milk that already has the sugar -- of course, it's probably healthier without the sugar, but, you know...)
.5 tsp of instant coffee (leave out if drinking at night -- but for the blogathon, I added 1 tsp!)
'bout 1/8-1/4 tsp of cinnamon
Drop or two of vanilla extract
Some milk (I use rice milk, can't have dairy -- dairy is better, though)
And, if you have, a drop or 3 of Rescue Remedy, Bach Flowers...
Mix all that in a nice mug, something big and easy to hold. When it's not too hot, try holding the mug up against your chest, near the center, the "hug" spot -- this is a point which triggers feelings of comfort when pressed, and a warm (not HOT) mug gently held here will help you calm down,
It also might make you cry.... but it will be good crying. Healthy crying...
(More comfort coming up next)
Believe it or not, I'm *still* crying... and I'm really not that sensitive. I'm sensitive, of course, but... you know.
Let's put it this way, I brought my husband with me, and he wanted to punch the guy. This is my THIRD gyn doctor I've tried. THIRD!!!
(I'm really off-topic, aren't I?)
First, we walk into his office. He doesn't say hello, how are you, who are you, give me your insurance card, nothing. He is TOTALLY SILENT.
So... I start saying why we're there, which was so weird.. "Umm, I'm here for a yearly exam and to talk about getting pregnant."
He asks me if I have my tests from America (I live in Israel). I say, no. He says, with REAL attitude, and really nasty, "WELL, that's not good. Why not?"
I almost started to cry *right* then. I told him, I don't know, I just don't have them. (Mind you, these tests were done three years ago. Why in the world do you need those tests?!) He says, "Well, you can just call up your doctor and have them faxed!"
Umm... yes.
Why can't he just say it politely??
Then, he asks me what kind of birth control we've used over the past year. We tell him. Then, he says 10 minutes later, RIGHT before the exam, "You know, there are problems with that kind of birth control."
I told him, yes, I know, but we have permission from a Rabbi.
But even if we DIDn't, he is the doctor -- NOT MY RABBI.
I could tell you more... But the man who could not say hello sure had a lot to say, didn't he. :(
I asked him what I do if I get pregnant here, since I've never done this in Israel yet (and I miscarry often). He told me, as a joke, "You give birth." I said, "Yes, very funny, I mean seriously, do I need blood tests, what?" He told me, you take vitamins, you pray, and you come for regular appointments. OK.... I said, so, at 3 months? He said, no no, at 9 weeks.
Couldn't he have said that when I asked in the first place?
Time for yet a NEW doctor. I do not go to doctors who tell me to pray, make jokes about a topic that is REALLY sensitive to me (I've miscarried several times, it's not funny what he said), nor people who feel the need to be my rabbi.
Sorry for venting... :(
Let's put it this way, I brought my husband with me, and he wanted to punch the guy. This is my THIRD gyn doctor I've tried. THIRD!!!
(I'm really off-topic, aren't I?)
First, we walk into his office. He doesn't say hello, how are you, who are you, give me your insurance card, nothing. He is TOTALLY SILENT.
So... I start saying why we're there, which was so weird.. "Umm, I'm here for a yearly exam and to talk about getting pregnant."
He asks me if I have my tests from America (I live in Israel). I say, no. He says, with REAL attitude, and really nasty, "WELL, that's not good. Why not?"
I almost started to cry *right* then. I told him, I don't know, I just don't have them. (Mind you, these tests were done three years ago. Why in the world do you need those tests?!) He says, "Well, you can just call up your doctor and have them faxed!"
Umm... yes.
Why can't he just say it politely??
Then, he asks me what kind of birth control we've used over the past year. We tell him. Then, he says 10 minutes later, RIGHT before the exam, "You know, there are problems with that kind of birth control."
I told him, yes, I know, but we have permission from a Rabbi.
But even if we DIDn't, he is the doctor -- NOT MY RABBI.
I could tell you more... But the man who could not say hello sure had a lot to say, didn't he. :(
I asked him what I do if I get pregnant here, since I've never done this in Israel yet (and I miscarry often). He told me, as a joke, "You give birth." I said, "Yes, very funny, I mean seriously, do I need blood tests, what?" He told me, you take vitamins, you pray, and you come for regular appointments. OK.... I said, so, at 3 months? He said, no no, at 9 weeks.
Couldn't he have said that when I asked in the first place?
Time for yet a NEW doctor. I do not go to doctors who tell me to pray, make jokes about a topic that is REALLY sensitive to me (I've miscarried several times, it's not funny what he said), nor people who feel the need to be my rabbi.
Sorry for venting... :(
Saturday, July 28, 2007
It's time for post 2? already?
Ok, so... I promised you profound, but all I did was get sick. Ah well. So, I never made it to breakfast, so, now, I'm doing that...
If I may take a moment to say, however... This is why preventing sexual abuse before it happens is so important, why spreading awareness on the signs for people to look for before children suffer from it for too long or with no help, why hotlines like Stop It Now!'s prevention line (1-888-PREVENT) are so needed. Because the aftermath of childhood sexual abuse is terrible.
Yes, I'm laughing, and smiling... it's how I survive, and my therapist always says I have a good spirit. But the fact of the matter is...
I didn't sleep, because I had flashbacks all day.
I didn't sleep, because I wake in the night from sounds that aren't there.
I didn't sleep, because when I was a child, the only way to know it was safe was to sleep lightly.
I didn't sleep, because when I was young, I was hurt in a terrible way -- and no one helped me.
Off to breakfast now...
Anna
If I may take a moment to say, however... This is why preventing sexual abuse before it happens is so important, why spreading awareness on the signs for people to look for before children suffer from it for too long or with no help, why hotlines like Stop It Now!'s prevention line (1-888-PREVENT) are so needed. Because the aftermath of childhood sexual abuse is terrible.
Yes, I'm laughing, and smiling... it's how I survive, and my therapist always says I have a good spirit. But the fact of the matter is...
I didn't sleep, because I had flashbacks all day.
I didn't sleep, because I wake in the night from sounds that aren't there.
I didn't sleep, because when I was a child, the only way to know it was safe was to sleep lightly.
I didn't sleep, because when I was young, I was hurt in a terrible way -- and no one helped me.
Off to breakfast now...
Anna
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