You Can Heal From Sexual Abuse

Panic Attacks in Public

2007-09-11T07:26:00.001-07:00

My second video help.. I love Angela's videos, they are wonderful.

Much love to you all,

Anna

Tell Your Story...

2007-09-11T07:25:00.001-07:00

I'm still here -- I want to post, but I've been overwhelmed. And so I thought I'd post two videos instead... I hope they help you.

Love, Anna

Thank you, Dawn!! Anna's update...

2007-07-30T02:18:00.000-07:00

Hello, all,

It's the real Anna again. Thank you SO MUCH to Dawn for blog'sitting for me during the last 7 hours. I really missed everyone, I know those last hours are sometimes the best fun.. ! But I had slept only three hours the night *before* the blog, and I would have never made it through. It was hard for me to make myself go to bed, but... I know it was the best for my health.

And that's what I want for all of you -- the best of health. Take care of yourselves.

It's not too late to make a pledge! We have raised unofficially...

are you ready?

$390...

and officially... $290.

Is that awesome, or what?!

My free magnet/button offer still stands -- no one took me up on it!

There is so much more I wanted to write about, but you know how it goes.. 30 minutes goes really fast, and there isn't enough time to get thoughts together everytime between posts.

Of my wonderful readers out there, who would like me to keep on blogging healing resources here? I'm thinking to keep going past the blogathon, but I'm not sure yet. I want your thoughts!

In any case, keep in touch all you gals and guys!

Much love,

Anna

PS. Don't forget -- if you still want to pledge, you can! Click here.

THE END

2007-07-29T20:57:00.000-07:00

Okay, so here it is...the end.

I think the real anna may stop and say her own good bye. But I would like to thank Rachel for being an encouraging monitor, Chris for keeping a newbie company via chat and to abzdrgon, tucker, yeepei and rebekkah_sri for their upbeat comments.

Take great care and maybe I'll see ya next year.

Note on the Author

2007-07-29T20:27:00.000-07:00

So I would like to take the second to last post to say something about the person who founded this blog site.

First off she supportive. If i am anything but chipper she is interested.

Second she is progressive. She leads the way in supporting women's rights for safety, faith, and self care.

Third she is artistic. She can pick a medium and succeed in it. So much to express and so valiant in expression.

My friend is a wonderful person to know. I want to thank her for her dedication in supporting this blog even though she was feeling ill. It was an honor to help out.

back for the last in 30min.

Movie Listing

2007-07-29T19:56:00.000-07:00

I've decided to reread an old book, rather than try to start a new one. It is a bit easier to put it down and check the time. So lets see......what can be said. Good movies i've seen this year.

#1 Children of Men --- Excellent piece of social commentary, and so is the soundtrack
#2 Live Free Die Hard --- How is the fourth sequel good? It was fun
#3 Simpson's Movie --- Sigh, the EPA gets attacked again ;)
#4 Harry Plopper--- The 5th installment was filmed well. Very tight and not much over drama.
#5 Shrek III---I've really got to explore more independent movie options.

....see you in 30min

Time Flies

2007-07-29T19:31:00.000-07:00

I can't believe how short 30min is when you have to check in online. This is very enlightening for sure. Reading is more dangerous than TV, because of the lack of predictable timeline. All shows have a pre-written time to end or sub climax. Books are all about how long it takes you to read them. I am a very slow reader and thus not much happens in 30min, except that I almost forget to post.

back in 30min

Mis Post

2007-07-29T19:06:00.000-07:00

My last post was a bit early, so I'm sending this out as a HOWDY! to keep the basis covered. Only TWO hours LEFT!!!! Everyone this is hard work and as I've teamed up with someone to do only 25% of the work, i must say Kudos to you all. :)

Reflection

2007-07-29T18:43:00.000-07:00

Living in an apartment designed in the 60's, with only baseline updates since then, is most reflected in the bathroom. There is a huge mirror above the sink. One that starts at the waist and reaches several feet above the person who's image is refracting back.

What is the first thing that i look at when i see myself? But of course, my face. It stares back at me asking for some suggestion of why I'm looking at it in the first place.

I sigh in disgust and grab the brush.....first think i do is brush my hair. There isn't much of it, so it needs managed. All of it gets brushed back so the knots are out....it then falls in it's genetically predetermined semi-curled, parted position on my shoulders.

Next I look at my eyes...those piercing eyes that expected some deep destiny but are stuck with mediocrity. I laugh at them.....flip my hands through my hair again and walk out, inspection complete.

Sometimes I wonder why i don't use moose or wear makeup. Other days i'm grateful the time provided by my simplicity. I hope my reflection eventually lets me off the hook.

.....back in 30min

Song Lyrics

2007-07-29T18:27:00.000-07:00

Opps, I was going to put the lyrics to a Dar Willams song called Mercy of the Fallen, but I'm not sure if that is allowed. I'll put a link to a site so you can read them. That way everyone is safe. :)

http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Mercy-of-the-Fallen-lyrics-Dar-Williams/7796743583B6D0E048256D17000A9378

2007-07-29T18:08:00.001-07:00

Yea, I went with the soup

Food Options

2007-07-29T17:57:00.001-07:00

Rice noodle premade soup bowl, frozen pot pie, or pizza sub......Hummmm What to eat for dinner.

Daylight Savings

2007-07-29T17:26:00.000-07:00

Sad that it's getting dark outside and it isn't yet 9pm. Sigh, this summer has been so hectic that it is ending before it started. I wonder what I can do to try and enjoy the last embers of the season. I may try and go camping but i think at least a mandatory one day hiking trip is the least i can do. Go it alone, take the camera....sounds good. So, if anyone reads this, does this count as talking to oneself? If it does is that a bad thing?
;)

....see ya in 30min

Bad Timing

2007-07-29T16:53:00.000-07:00

Well, since I've been posting around the 20's and 50's of each hour, i have been missing the ending of whatever show I'm watching. Yes, admitted TV junkie. Anywho....i need to slowly stretch out my blog time or else switch over to reading. The later is probably the better but only after the Simpson's. ;)

......back in 30min

The Color of Blogs

2007-07-29T16:21:00.001-07:00

I always preach about non-profit transparency. Nothing makes me feel more transparent than typing on a blog. That clear or barely opac color that shows all the flaws. I haven't updated my blog since February. I never feel as though I have anything to say. Interesting how, as now I'm doing a favor for a friend, all i seem to do is type. I guess what is really important to us is always just under the surface.

....see you in 30

Yikes

2007-07-29T15:54:00.001-07:00

Okay, post...get food... grab laundry out of the dryer = 30min.

Wow, does time go fast.

The Hero Price

2007-07-29T15:20:00.000-07:00

Hero's are great. We love 'em....and all want to be 'em. Or do we? Let's review some recent hero's in popular culture over the past few years.

One, Harry Potter....annoying but obvious.
Two Frodo Baggins, yawn.....
Three, Spiderman, Superman, Underdog, and other superhero-comicbook-movie knock offs.
Four, John Mclaine/Jason Borne...i wish.

What is so attractive about the good guy vs. the bad guy? Why is the good guy always the underdog when we as a society claim to all be 'good people? Whey do i keep using ' ' marks?

If we are hurt as children do we always expect to be a victim? Is it hard to trust humans if humans hurt or ignore? The list above shows us our options....we can as harry does...forgive, or as Frodo does, comit to change, all superheros provide a consistent deterrent. But my favorite is the last category. They just kick the shit out of the bad guy. No debate or discussion, you hurt me you get hurt.

This primal admiration is odd for someone like me, a social worker, to carry when i ought to be the first to forgive. Politically I'm against the death penalty. Personally......well, that is a slightly darker story.

see you in 30.

Insulting Webster

2007-07-29T14:48:00.000-07:00

Mis-Spellers of the world Untie!!!!

I must provide a small disclaimer at the beginning of my postings. I, unlike my closest friend, am not a writer/editor. Thus, be prepared for several hours of bad comma usage, run on sentences, and mis-spelled words. Yes, I do use spell check and I is a high school graduate, but not everything they teach sticks. So now gentle reader, consider yourself forewarned. :)

Consideration

2007-07-29T14:19:00.000-07:00

Recovery is an interesting word to describe the healing process. No matter what you are recovering from you are generally never recovered. I had a friend call me today. He said in a chipper voice, "So how are you today?". I told him I was recovering. He had not idea how to respond. I should have said, "fine". The socially acceptable answer to how are you, but the truth is that my grandmother died and right after the funeral I became very ill, so I wasn't fine. I'm not going to be fine for a while, and the first people who should know that are the people who came to the funeral.

the process of recovery is a constant spectrum of good days and bad for those recovering. I have been recovering most of my life as I am too a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. Most of the time i say the word 'fine' as I've been culturally trained to do so, but I must admit a certain distaste for the word over the last two weeks.

....see you in 30.

Taking the Wheel

2007-07-29T13:56:00.000-07:00

Hi, This is dawn. Taking over for a few hours. I am not going to be profound in this post because i'm talking on the phone with my best friend.

consider this a profound IOU...... ;)

2007-07-29T13:44:00.000-07:00

I have a wonderful teammate who will be blogging from now until the end, except if I'm brave, I may show up around the last post, say some good words. Or maybe if I can't wake myself, I will just have to come back and post something then.

But the blog will go on! And my bestest friend since I was, like, 13, she is awesome, cool, fun, wonderful, inspiring -- just like me.

;-)

Everyone, meet Dawn, Dawn, meet everyone...

2007-07-29T13:25:00.000-07:00

Just checking in... still talking on the phone...

2007-07-29T13:05:00.001-07:00

I'm updating again. :) Talking to my best friend...

2007-07-29T12:27:00.000-07:00

Posting again... but too tired to speak much right now. Maybe more next time :)

Book You Should Read: Invisible Heroes: Survivors of Trauma and How They Heal

2007-07-29T11:54:00.000-07:00

There are many books out there on sexual abuse, and healing from it. I don't really like the books that talk about it too much, I don't know. I want books that really say something, explain to me why I feel the way I do, and don't just say, "It'll get better."

I have had trouble finding a book I liked, until just a few months ago. This book is actually not just on sexual abuse – it’s on surviving trauma. But it fits in with sexual abuse, and she talks about it quite a bit.

She helped me understand why I feel the way I do, why I can’t sleep, why I can’t stop thinking about it when I want to stop, and more. She also talks about how to use imagery to heal, and this is something that has been a huge help to me. Actually, my therapist recommended this book because of the imagery scripts.

If you could buy only ONE book on healing, this is the book I'd tell you to buy. (And I own over 1300 books... yes, really. I, um, like to read.)

Check it out on Amazon.com:

Invisible Heroes: Survivors of Trauma and How They Heal
http://www.amazon.com/Invisible-Heroes-Survivors-Trauma-They/dp/0553803506

2007-07-29T11:24:00.001-07:00

Another just checking in for now.

I'm so tired!

2007-07-29T10:54:00.000-07:00

Putting my kids to bed now... For good reads and music, see last half hour's post. ;)

Love, Anna

Sugababes Stronger Deleux

2007-07-29T10:27:00.001-07:00

(Please see my message that goes with this in the post before this.)

I'm Getting Stronger...

2007-07-29T10:26:00.001-07:00

Another inspirational song for you… [video will be posted next]

I *love* this song...

To appreciate this, you need to know...
Last year, I came close to killing myself – seriously – several times.
Last year, I used to cause physical harm to myself *almost* every day.
Last year, I had no hope. I didn’t want to live.
Last year, I starved myself so badly that I ended up in a hospital.
Last year, I didn’t think I’d make it to this year…

My wonderful, wonderful therapist kept believing in me. She stayed with me through every *(*&ing moment. She told me over and over that it may be terrible now, but to trust her – it would get better. I did not believe her.

Well...
This year, I almost never think of suicide. When I do, it’s a fleeting thought.
I’d never do it now.

I eat right now. I may want to starve myself sometimes, but I don’t.

I rarely hurt myself.

I have hope. I do want to live.

And I expect to make it to next year, and the next year.

I know I’m hurting, and I don’t expect the pain to go away tomorrow. But it *is* getting better. I’m getting stronger.

Stronger

I'll make it through the rainy days
I'll be the one who stands here longer than the rest
When my landscape changes, rearranges
I'll be stronger than I've ever been
No more stillness,more sunlight,
Everything's gonna be allright

I know that there's gonna be a change
Better find your way out of your fear
If you wanna come with me
Then that's the way it's gotta be
I'm all alone and finally
I'm getting stronger
You'll come to see just what I can be
I'm getting stronger

Sometimes I feel so down and out
Like emotion that's been captured in a maze
I had my ups and downs
Trials and tribulations,
I overcome it day by day,
Feeling good and almost powerful
A new me, that's what I'm looking for

Bridge
Chorus

I didn't know what I had to do
I just knew I was alone
People around me
But they didn't care
So i searched into my soul
I'm not that type of girl that will let them see her cry
It's not my style
I'll get by
See I'm gonna do this for me

[Thank you Chris and Rachel!! You guys are the BEST! :-) And yes, doing this with kids isn't easy... but I'm chuggin' along for now.]

In Crisis? Need help? Maybe a hotline can help you...

2007-07-29T09:57:00.000-07:00

Are you in crisis? Don’t have a therapist to call, or can’t reach him or her, and feeling alone and desperate? Afraid you might do something you will regret later?

There are MANY hotlines that you can call. I have to tell you, though – don’t expect miracles. I have tried some of these hotlines, and at best, they made me think before acting. Sometimes the person on the line isn’t oh-so educated on the right things to say. In fact, they may say all the wrong things.

But the key is while you are talking to them, you are staying alive and safe for just another minute, another hour. And sometimes that’s all you need – someone to help you make it to the next hour.

So, if you have a therapist – try to find them first. If you can’t find them, the hotlines will get you through until you can read your therapist.

And if you don’t have a therapist, please, please, please try to find someone to talk to. You do NOT have to heal from abuse alone. It’s too hard that way. I tried it for years, it doesn’t work. Healing is hard enough to do with someone. If you can’t afford a therapist, sometimes local support groups and resources for survivors of sexual abuse, where they can get free therapy or therapy at a very discounted rate. Call RAINN’s hotline for help finding local options.

Here are some support lines to call in times of crisis:

1-800-SUICIDE
1-800 273-TALK
1-800-DONT-CUT (Self-harm hotline)
1-800-656-HOPE (RAINN’s hotline – they can help you find local rape or sexual abuse counseling options)

And a website that talks about suicide, and crisis lines, what to expect when you call, and so on.
http://suicide.com/suicidecrisiscenter/incrisis.html

[Note that Stop It Now!’s hotline 1-888-PREVENT is not a crisis line, but a confidential hotline for those concerned about a child, concerned about an adult who they think may be at risk for abusing a child sexually, or for those worried about disturbing thoughts regarding hurting a child themselves. You can read more about Stop It Now!’s hotline here: http://www.stopitnow.org/help.html]

2007-07-29T09:25:00.001-07:00

Hello, another check in :) I have to attend to my kids, so, hopefully my next post will have something more interesting.

2007-07-29T08:59:00.001-07:00

Checking in....

2007-07-29T08:20:00.001-07:00

Concrete Angel Lyrics

She walks to school with the lunch she packed
Nobody knows what she's holdin' back
Wearin' the same dress she wore yesterday
She hides the bruises with linen and lace

The teacher wonders but she doesn't ask
It's hard to see the pain behind the mask
Bearing the burden of a secret storm
Sometimes she wishes she was never born

Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel

Somebody cries in the middle of the night
The neighbors hear, but they turn out the lights
A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate
When morning comes it'll be too late

[Repeat Chorus]

A statue stands in a shaded place
An angel girl with an upturned face
A name is written on a polished rock
A broken heart that the world forgot

[Repeat Chorus]

♫ Martina Mcbride-Concrete Angel ♫

2007-07-29T07:58:00.001-07:00

Another song for you... get a tissue...

Tori Amos, Precious Things

2007-07-29T07:27:00.000-07:00

Music, as I think I've said before, has been a huge part of my healing. I've got lists of songs that I find healing, or songs I relate to, as a survivor of abuse.

Here is one song to share with you from a huge advocate of support for rape and sexual abuse victims, Tori Amos.

Audio Codes by AcousticSpot.com

"Precious Things"

So I ran faster
But you caught me here
Yes my loyalties turned
Like my ankle
In the seventh grade
Running after Billy
Running after the rain
These precious things
Let them bleed
Let them wash away
These precious things let them break
Their hold over me

He said you're really an ugly girl
But I like the way you play
And I died
But I thanked him
Can you believe that
Sick, sick, holding on to his picture
Dressing up every day
I wanna smash the faces of those beautiful boys
Those Christian boys
So you can made me cum
That doesn't make you Jesus
I remember
Yes in my peach party dress
No one dared
No one cared
To tell me where the pretty girls are
Those demigods
With their nine-inch nails
And little fascist panties
Tucked inside the heart
Of ever nice girl
These precious things
Let them bleed
Let them wash away
These precious things
Let them break
Let them wash away

Support is important...

2007-07-29T06:55:00.000-07:00

Dear readers,

Sorry for those lame quick-posts, but I was talking to my sister on the phone. Had to tell her about my terrible doc apt, and being that she's a doctor, well, it's very gratifying when she says, "What a jerk!" So much better...

Which brings me to the topic of... support! Having support is very important for survivors, whether that comes from family, friends, or a group.

I have found wonderful support online from a web site called Pandora's Aquarium
http://pandys.org/

Panys is a great support website for survivors. I've tried quite a few, and none beat pandys. There are message boards and chat rooms, and people are usually so kind and helpful. The moderators are great, too.

If you're feeling alone, needing someone to listen who will understand, and don't have a friend or family member to share with -- or it's something you just don't want to share with people that you know -- Pandys may be the place for you.

Much love,

Anna

2007-07-29T06:30:00.001-07:00

Another just checking in post...

2007-07-29T06:06:00.001-07:00

Just checking in.

The All-American Rejects - Move Along

2007-07-29T05:28:00.001-07:00

Oops... it didn't work the first time. Let's try again. :) See the message below for the post to go with the video.

The All-American Rejects - Move Along

2007-07-29T05:26:00.001-07:00

I think it's time for some music. What do you all think?

This is for all you Blogathon A-schedule that have a few hours left... and to us B schedule, who have SO MANY HOURS left. :-)

Also, to all you survivors, when you feel like you just can't do it anymore. Put this song on, close (or open!) the windows, and dance yourself awake and onto a bit more hope.

I posted these lyrics earlier. Enjoy the song!

"Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Move along

So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your
Hands are shaking cold
Your hands are mine to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along"

Or, perhaps, a cup of tea...

2007-07-29T05:01:00.000-07:00

If it's night time, and you can't sleep, you really shouldn't be drinking cocoa, and certainly not coffee.

Insomnia and trouble sleeping at night is very common for people who suffer from PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), and survivors of childhood sexual abuse have as high as an 80% risk of developing PTSD, especially if the abuser was someone they knew (and 90% of the time -- sadly -- it is).

So... can't sleep, or feeling out of sorts? Try a cup of tea. The pressure point advice I have in my last post works just as well (holding the warm -- NOT hot -- cup against your chest, in the center). Teas that are wonderful for anxiety are kava kava (look in the health food store -- this is AMAZING stuff. Be careful, you may not be able to take it if you are on SSRIs, or if your liver isn't so great... so check with your doctor), chamomile (which has been shown through research to lower anxiety in people who drink a cup or two a day), mint tea, or a combination of chamomile and mint tea (one brand on the market sells this, under the name SleepyTime tea).

###

The risk of a child developing PTSD from abuse goes down if they received help and therapy when they are younger, closer to the time of the crime. But, the ideal, of course, is if we can prevent the abuse from every happening.

Are you concerns about an adult who you wonder may be at risk for abusing a child? Know the signs. Check out Stopitnow.org for great tips, and call their free helpline for advice -- 1.888.PREVENT.

2007-07-29T04:39:00.000-07:00

Quick recipe here for my comfort cocoa...

hot water
1-3 tsp of cocoa mix (the kind that is for making chocolate milk that already has the sugar -- of course, it's probably healthier without the sugar, but, you know...)
.5 tsp of instant coffee (leave out if drinking at night -- but for the blogathon, I added 1 tsp!)
'bout 1/8-1/4 tsp of cinnamon
Drop or two of vanilla extract
Some milk (I use rice milk, can't have dairy -- dairy is better, though)

And, if you have, a drop or 3 of Rescue Remedy, Bach Flowers...

Mix all that in a nice mug, something big and easy to hold. When it's not too hot, try holding the mug up against your chest, near the center, the "hug" spot -- this is a point which triggers feelings of comfort when pressed, and a warm (not HOT) mug gently held here will help you calm down,

It also might make you cry.... but it will be good crying. Healthy crying...

(More comfort coming up next)

Self-comfort coming up next...

2007-07-29T04:05:00.000-07:00

Since I'm in serious need of this right now, my next post will be about self-comfort...

Before I write about it, though, I need a cup of cocoa so much right now...

Off to get my cocoa, do some blogathon surfin', and write my post on comfort measure when you're feeling out of sorts, depressed, anxious, and so on and so forth.

2007-07-29T03:35:00.000-07:00

Believe it or not, I'm *still* crying... and I'm really not that sensitive. I'm sensitive, of course, but... you know.

Let's put it this way, I brought my husband with me, and he wanted to punch the guy. This is my THIRD gyn doctor I've tried. THIRD!!!

(I'm really off-topic, aren't I?)

First, we walk into his office. He doesn't say hello, how are you, who are you, give me your insurance card, nothing. He is TOTALLY SILENT.

So... I start saying why we're there, which was so weird.. "Umm, I'm here for a yearly exam and to talk about getting pregnant."

He asks me if I have my tests from America (I live in Israel). I say, no. He says, with REAL attitude, and really nasty, "WELL, that's not good. Why not?"

I almost started to cry *right* then. I told him, I don't know, I just don't have them. (Mind you, these tests were done three years ago. Why in the world do you need those tests?!) He says, "Well, you can just call up your doctor and have them faxed!"

Umm... yes.

Why can't he just say it politely??

Then, he asks me what kind of birth control we've used over the past year. We tell him. Then, he says 10 minutes later, RIGHT before the exam, "You know, there are problems with that kind of birth control."

I told him, yes, I know, but we have permission from a Rabbi.

But even if we DIDn't, he is the doctor -- NOT MY RABBI.

I could tell you more... But the man who could not say hello sure had a lot to say, didn't he. :(

I asked him what I do if I get pregnant here, since I've never done this in Israel yet (and I miscarry often). He told me, as a joke, "You give birth." I said, "Yes, very funny, I mean seriously, do I need blood tests, what?" He told me, you take vitamins, you pray, and you come for regular appointments. OK.... I said, so, at 3 months? He said, no no, at 9 weeks.

Couldn't he have said that when I asked in the first place?

Time for yet a NEW doctor. I do not go to doctors who tell me to pray, make jokes about a topic that is REALLY sensitive to me (I've miscarried several times, it's not funny what he said), nor people who feel the need to be my rabbi.

Sorry for venting... :(

2007-07-29T03:16:00.000-07:00

I'm back, I'm back.

And what a TERRIBLE doc apt. :( My next post will be why gyn's need to be more sensitive.

I'm *really* upset. :(

I need a hug.

EDITED TO ADD: Hey! My timestamp is totally wrong! I posted it at 1:35 AM.

2007-07-29T02:00:00.002-07:00

Hello, everyone,
I'm posting this from the waiting room/hallway of my doctor. He is late, and so... I guess I'll just have to sit here and wait.I don't normally mind waiting, but I really, really, really don't want to go to this doctor today. I want to gooo hoooome. And so, waiting is not exactly something I'm enjoying right now. I want to get it over -- NOW!
Oh well. Hope you're all blogathon'ing away!
Anna

PS. Ack, my wireless didnt work inside the office, so I have to sit outside in the 90 degree heat. arg, arg, arg. well... hopefully I'll be done waiting, and then DONE soon.

Dear, dear monitor, if I'm 10 or 15 minutes lates on my next check in, will you forgive me? I'll try my best not to be late!

2007-07-29T02:00:00.001-07:00

2007-07-29T02:00:00.000-07:00

checking in. Still on my way to the doc, so, no real post yet.

Should have one more at doc post, and then, I hope, a real one afterwards.

thanks for your support!

2007-07-29T01:20:00.001-07:00

Me, checking in again, for good measure... since I didn't leave the house just yet.

2007-07-29T01:12:00.001-07:00

Checking in, checking in.... on way to doctor, so wanted to post a bit early.

One of my on the run posts...

2007-07-29T00:52:00.000-07:00

It's lunch time here in my time zone, and so, I must feed the youngin's.

No time to post more than a -- I'm here, check out the info I posted on my charity and cause, and if you haven't made a pledge, and can make one, please do! My link is over there (psst, over to your right), and you can even get a free button or magnet! Isn't that just peachy?

Anna

PS. And thank you to Rachel, Marina, and Chris for your comments!! They keep me goin'

"...and even when your hope is gone, move along, move along, like I know you do..."

(Name this song, and I'll post a link to your blog on my next post! woohoo!)

2007-07-29T00:31:00.001-07:00

So, once I get my act together, I plan on making this a resource for survivors. Here are some ideas I have so far:

Some posts on dealing with flashbacks, and getting grounded
Some posts on understanding self-harm, and getting help for it
Some posts on finding hope when it seems like there’s none to be found
Some posts on books, music, and other media that I have found inspirational or healing
Some posts about my experiences in healing, including posts on the aftermath that affects me personally – so you know, you are NOT alone out there
Some posts about self-comfort, and how to take care of yourselves
Some posts on random healing ideas and ways to find control and strength again
Some posts with resources, like websites and hotlines, for when you need help

In addition, of course, to the random blogathon ramblings – you can’t expect me to be inspirational and helpful ALL the time, can ya? Every 30 minutes? Sheesh! ;-)

2007-07-29T00:02:00.000-07:00

Stop It Now! has an excellent booklet, PDF file, that you can download for free that answers many questions. The booklet talks about:

What is Sexual Abuse?
Why do people sexually abuse? And is there help and hope for them to get better?
Can a child sexually abuse another child?
What are the warning signs that a child may be suffering from abuse?
What are the warning signs that an adult may be at risk for abusing children?
What to DO if you suspect any of these problems?

There is a quote in the booklet that is SO true, and really spoke to me. It says,

“Abusers count on us to be confused, to keep quiet, and to not call for help.”

I know for a fact that some people in my life who were legally obligated to report the abuse never said a word to anyone. They were even so brazen to write it down in official records... And so, the abuse went on. Here I am, twenty years later, still paying a heavy price for their irresponsibility.

If you suspect a child may be being abused... if you suspect an adult you know may be at risk to abuse a child... If you are afraid you might abuse a child... call 1-888-PREVENT to talk about your concerns.

Get the free download book here: http://stopitnow.org/downloads/Prevent_CSA.pdf

Quick one...

2007-07-28T23:27:00.000-07:00

I have a doctor appoinment today, and, so, I don't expect to be very verbal until after that appointment. I intend to take my laptop with me and a wireless card, and I'm assuming my apt won't be longer than 30 minutes... so I will post right before I go in, and right when I come out, and all should be well and good for the 'thon.

I hate going to the doctor. I'm terrified. So, the closer the time comes to going, the more ill I feel. REALLY, really, really ill.

What to do if you suspect a child is being abused...

2007-07-28T23:01:00.000-07:00

From a caller to the Stop It Now! Helpline (1.888.PREVENT), shared with permission:

“I really wanted to thank you for all the help you offered me in my first call, and I am calling back today to ask for additional resources and referrals. It was wonderful to be able to practice speaking about what seemed like an overwhelming list of concerns.

What could have been a difficult and messy conversation with my brother turned out to be incredibly reassuring and informative, open, warm and loving. This was the first time I ever had a conversation with him about my concerns. We were able to learn so much about what we could do next to help him.”
- An anonymous, repeat caller

Sometimes, when a person suspects that a child is being abused, or suspects that someone they know may be a perpetrator or possible perpetrator, they are afraid to speak up. Maybe they are afraid that the person will become extremely upset with them, maybe they are afraid things will backfire and only become worse, maybe they just don’t know how to approach the person – or whether they should approach them at all.

These are difficult questions that have no easy answers. One thing you can do -- an easy choice -- is to pick up the phone and call Stop It Now!’s hotline – 1-888-PREVENT. You can speak to them to share your concerns, and get grounded, good advice on your options and possible courses of action.

Besides making the call, you can also download a free guidebook for Stop It Now!’s website. Here is the description for the booklet, taken from stopitnow.org's website:

“Let's Talk is a short, focused brochure that challenges adults to talk with other adults when they are concerned about sexualized behaviors or comments toward children. Based upon 10 years of calls to the Stop It Now! Helpline, the brochure outlines a straightforward process of how to raise and discuss concerns without making an accusation. It is designed to prevent child sexual abuse in situations of possible risk before a child is harmed. The brochure covers a variety of conversations, ranging from how to open the lines of communication to talk about healthy sexual development to how to report if a child has been sexually abused.”

Download the booklet here:
http://stopitnow.org/pubs.html#letstalk

Times goes so fast...

2007-07-28T22:33:00.001-07:00

Wow, the last 30 minutes just sped by. And I have nothing interesting to say, again...

One of my little children is up and about.. he made a sun clock, he says. He took a pencil, and a round circle of paper that he cut out himself, and drew a sun on, and placed the pencil straight up on the paper in the center (like a sun dial), with lots of tape. Maybe I'll take a picture later.

Then, he said, "Look, mommy, I made a sun clock. You know how it works, Mommy? You put it outside, and then the sun goes up, and when the sun is on the sun clock, it starts clocking! Isn't that right, Mommy? That's how it works?"

Yes... my child has... the knack.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmYDgncMhXw

Maybe a little something for those who pledge...

2007-07-28T21:58:00.000-07:00

Hi, all, again :)

I'm looking to gather more pledges for my charity, Stop It Now! Together We Can Prevent the Sexual Abuse of Children.

And, soo..... The next 5 people who pledge at least $10 to my charity will get a freeeeeeee button or magnet of their choice from this page: http://www.cafepress.com/voicesstrength/1676401 (And 50% of all profits from this Cafe Press store goes to RAINN (Rape Abuse, and Incest National Network) -- So it's like giving twice!!)

And, if you already pledged, of course, I retroactively make this offer to you gals and guys as well.

So, to get a cooool magnet or button... pledge at least $10 for Stop It Now! (Here is my pledge link: http://www.blogathon.org/pledge.php?blogid=327), send me an email at writer.annakatz@gmail.com to let me know which button or magnet you'd like, and I'll let you know if you're in the next 5! You'll also need to give me a mailing address eventually, too, and of course, I won't share your contact info with anyone, never, ever, ever.

I'm not rolling in pledges or anything, so... trust me.. you'll probably get one of this way cool magnets or buttons.

So... anyone?? anyone?? :-)

(ACK! My toast is burning!!)

Love, Anna

It's time for post 2? already?

2007-07-28T21:22:00.000-07:00

Ok, so... I promised you profound, but all I did was get sick. Ah well. So, I never made it to breakfast, so, now, I'm doing that...

If I may take a moment to say, however... This is why preventing sexual abuse before it happens is so important, why spreading awareness on the signs for people to look for before children suffer from it for too long or with no help, why hotlines like Stop It Now!'s prevention line (1-888-PREVENT) are so needed. Because the aftermath of childhood sexual abuse is terrible.

Yes, I'm laughing, and smiling... it's how I survive, and my therapist always says I have a good spirit. But the fact of the matter is...

I didn't sleep, because I had flashbacks all day.
I didn't sleep, because I wake in the night from sounds that aren't there.
I didn't sleep, because when I was a child, the only way to know it was safe was to sleep lightly.
I didn't sleep, because when I was young, I was hurt in a terrible way -- and no one helped me.

Off to breakfast now...

Anna

My first blogathon post...

2007-07-28T20:48:00.000-07:00

Hello, everyone!

One might think I'd have something profound to share for my first post... or, perhaps, something deep, something light, something interesting to read. Alas, I didn't sleep well at ALL last night (can you imagine getting less than 3 hours of sleep the night before a blogathon!!), and so... being in my jammies, you'll have to settle just for...

Here I am, ready to get started... well, getting READY to get started :) And I hope we can have some fun, while raising awareness, and developing here a resource for survivors.

Right now, I must get myself some breakfast... and I promise to be a bit more profound in my next post!!

Love, Anna

On Schedule B

2007-07-27T06:00:00.000-07:00

Hello!

Just wanted to let people know I'm doing Schedule-B during the blogathon, so I don't start until 9 PM PST (which will be 7 am my time).

Take care, all,

Anna

Thirteen Reasons I'm Rasing Money for Stop It Now! During Blogathon 2007 This Weekend

2007-07-26T14:49:00.001-07:00

(To make a pledge, click here! http://www.blogathon.org/pledge.php?blogid=327 [Note:When you get to the pledge page, it asks for your email address and password. Below that, you'll notice a line that says, Don't have an account? Sign Up!. You want to click on the SignUp link, and this will allow you to make the pledge.])

Thirteen Reasons I'm Rasing Money for Stop It Now! During Blogathon 2007 This Weekend

1. Because I believe that the best time to help a child is *before* the abuse happens.

2. Because I feel adults can help a child -- if they know what to look for, and how to help.

3. Because I was molested as a child, and while I wish I could undo those years, I can't.

4. Because I like to believe that perhaps there are pedophiles out there just maybe, maybe, will have the courage to call Stop It Now!'s prevention hotline *before* they hurt a child -- and get the help they need.

5. Because one in every four girls, and one in every six boys is sexually assaulted before the age of 18 -- and that says to me that this is important to do something about NOW...

6. Because Stop It Now! is the only *prevention* hotline available for sexual abuse. There are many organizations that help with the aftermath, but Stop It Now! wants to try to avoid getting to that point.

7. Because blogathons are a fun way to raise money for charity... !

8. Because I hope that my blog will go on to be a resource for people who suffered from sexual abuse or assault.

9. Because I know what it's like to feel like your alone -- and I want other survivors to know they are NOT alone.

10. Because I don't sleep well anyway, so, I won't miss the hours so much -- I hope! :-)

11. Because writing is something I love to do, and what better way to make a difference in this world than by doing something you love.

12. Because I believe that EVERY survivor can heal from their past -- if I am doing it, you can do it. I hope this blog will help them find their path to wellness.

13. Because if I don't do it, who will?

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(To make a pledge, click here! http://www.blogathon.org/pledge.php?blogid=327 [Note:When you get to the pledge page, it asks for your email address and password. Below that, you'll notice a line that says, Don't have an account? Sign Up!. You want to click on the SignUp link, and this will allow you to make the pledge.])

Blogathon 2007 -- Making a Difference Today, Along With a Resource For Tommorow

2007-07-12T23:28:00.000-07:00

Hello, everyone,

This is my Blogathon 2007 blog, and I'm blogging to raise money for Stop It Now. Let me tell you a little bit about the Blogathon, and Stop It Now, and then I'll tell you why I'm doing this.

(To make a pledge, click here! http://www.blogathon.org/pledge.php?blogid=327 [Note:When you get to the pledge page, it asks for your email address and password. Below that, you'll notice a line that says, Don't have an account? Sign Up!. You want to click on the SignUp link, and this will allow you to make the pledge.])

Of course, bloggers are always making a difference. But during the Blogathon, they aim to make a difference in a big way.

The Blogathon is an awesome event, where bloggers from all around the world sit down at their computers, and blog to raise money for needed causes. This year, starting on July 28th, at 6 am Pacific Time (USA), Blogathon Bloggers will begin to post something every 30 minutes, non-stop for 24 hours, staying up into the wee hours of the night, in order to raise money for their chosen cause.

People blog for all kinds of charities, and they are sponsored by people like you. Imagine that -- YOU can make a difference without having to stay up all night with us. Of course, you can blog, too! Check out the blogathon website for more details. But if you'd rather support one of us, that's awesome too. You make your pledge at the blogathon website, and either now or when the blogathon is over, you simply go directly to the charities online donation form and make your promised contribution. You can donate anything from $10 up to $1,000 or more. (I don't know if you can donate less than $10, you need to check with the charities giving policies. But if they say you can donate less, and that's what you can do, then heck, do that!)

No money passes through Blogathon or me (or any other bloggers). It is sent directly from the giver, to the charity. The purpose of pledging on the Blogathon site is to just keep a record of how much is raised, and to make it all the more fun and motivating for those of us feeling dizzy from the 38 cups of coffee we will need to stay up the entire time! :-)

Now, let me tell you a little bit about Stop It Now, and why I'm doing this, and what I mean by my blog post's title: Making a Difference Today, Along With a Resource For Tommorow

Stop It Now is an organization that aims to educate and empower adults to stop childhood sexual abuse. So many programs focus on educating mainly the children on what they should do to stop or prevent abuse.

But let's be clear -- that's good, kids should have the tools -- but this is not a child's responsibilty. It is never a child's fault, and it is unfair to place the majority of responsibilty into their hands by telling them to say "no" and leaving it at that. (Note to Adults: Saying No never stopped anyone from hurting me as a child.)

Children, when it comes to reality, are not the ones with the most power to stop abuse from happening. They are small, young, and so much more naive than those who do have the power to stop or prevent abuse -- who does have the power to stop abuse?

Adults.

Those who are around the child, those who know the child, those who raise the child -- it is the adults who need to know what the signs are that a child is being abused AND the signs that someone may be abusing a child. Stop It Now also offers a hotline. From their website:

"For more than 10 years, our national toll-free Helpline
(1.888.PREVENT) has provided thousands of adults a unique outlet to
confidentially voice their concerns. We provide support, information and
resources that enable individuals and families to keep children safe and to
create healthier communities."

But Stop It Now goes even further -- they put the responsibility to stop abuse at the core -- they also offer their hotline to adults who are thinking of abusing a child. They offer these people the help and resources they need to prevent the abuse from happening before it happens.

You can read more about Stop It Now on their website: http://www.stopitnow.com/about.html

Now, why am I raising money for Stop It Now? And what do I mean by my blog post's title, Making a Difference Today, Along With a Resource For Tommorow... ?

I am an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I strongly believe that there were many adults in my life who knew things, who saw things, and could have done something to prevent or stop what was happening to me -- and they didn't. They were all silent. By blogging for Stop It Now, I hope that the donations and the awareness raised through the Blogathon will help children not get as hurt as I did as a child.

Also, Stop It Now offers resources to those who suffered from Childhood Sexual Abuse. The aftermath of abuse is something few people can imagine, unless they themselves have experienced it. I hope by raising money for Stop It Now more survivors of childhood sexual abuse will be able to reach out and get help, and heal from the pain of their past.

I did blogathon last year, and we raised almost $100. Which is great! This year, I thought perhaps to do a bit more. Instead of just posting random things during the blogathon, what if I created a blog that would sit on the big Internet and act as a resource for those looking for help.

So, while I post for the blogathon this year, I intend to post about the many ways survivors can heal from the past. Anything from comfort to grounding to stoping self-harm to resources to hotlines -- whatever a survivor could possibly find helpful during a time of crisis, I hope to post on my blog during the blogathon.

This way, not only will I be blogging to raise money for Stop It Now -- I'll also be creating a resource online for survivors.

To make your pledge, click here!

http://www.blogathon.org/pledge.php?blogid=327
[Note:When you get to the pledge page, it asks for your email address and password. Below that, you'll notice a line that says, Don't have an account? Sign Up!. You want to click on the SignUp link, and this will allow you to make the pledge.]